I kiss you like your drowning and my mouth is the sponge
and when im near you things in me light on fire
but you can only say opposites attract so much

“because her skin affects me more than any book i’ve ever read or any lyric ever sung”

I’ve learned that who ever comes in your life will surely leave, whether by choice or in a casket. so i don’t regret the connections i’ve made or any reason for you leaving. i just know that we had what we had and it was pretty great while it lasted.

the saying “sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you” is the biggest fucking lie you will ever be told because the words build up and stay and replay and break down everything you want to find good about yourself. 

They make you build casts around your heart and turn you cold and bitter. 

you can snap all my bones in half if you could erase the memories of not being enough. 

don’t tell me not to cry…. you might as well be telling a fire not to burn or a heart not to break

But im scared of dying

I felt an emptiness that i havnt felt for years, that I never wanted to feel again.
That feeling of just being so done that I couldn't even feel done. I just felt nothing and that scared the shit out of me because I know what I'm capable of when I reach that point and it was so devastating that it took years to get back on the right track but there I was again. Swimming in a emotionless nothingness and trying to surface but was too tired of trying

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third eye blind

finding connection with yourself
should be self discovery
but as it turns out
it's a battle of who would stay if you
were honest

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I love you

because I want to enjoy the little things with you, like the first sip of coffee in the morning... that's why I love you.

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.......no, you don't get it though. Holding her is the most important thing my hands will ever do

to admit that i've always been amused by illusionist
is kind of funny.
because as an addict i was able to fool my whole body that it wasnt dyng for the fucking sake of another hit.

i was able to walk down streets thinking there was a gun pointed in my mouth when really it was the gun inside my head.

I'd venquilitrist my voice and pull the corners of my mouth into a smile as I said "yeah I'll take one more"

one more. one more. one more.

as my heart stuttered to keep up begging PLEASE STOP.

but i had made myself deaf to my own survival.

for the fucking sake of not having to look at reality.

and then i realized I cannot kill this monster
until i am willing to see it in the mirror

if i had only one day left on this earth
i'd drag you to the hallways of my high school
and not let your lips leave mine
because everyday there seemed like a million years
and that's exactly what i want with you.

Just so you know

I hope for us like you pray for Gods love.

Your body is my church.
My love for you is my religion '
and your every word is my bible.

I'll follow you so far into your world that I will forget my own.
I'll learn all your languages till I am lost in translation.

thank you for letting that part of me breathe again
but since you left it's climbed down deeper than it was buried before

there's no hope for sunlight, not even the lights at night will stay.

question of the day

Can you be pulled over for being under the influence of lost love and too many cigarettes?

the truth

“Hey there,” she said “How are you doing?”

I feel like banging my head against the wall, because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. I feel like running, but I can’t run away from myself, nor your constantly echoing voice in my head.

I can’t find a way away.People say get over it. Life has its ups and downs.They are right, life has its ups and down, she breaks up you break down.

I’m walking down the road called despair. The air is thick. My feet are numb.

But I have to keep on moving, keep on moving on.

Each step I take gets me further away from you and brings me closer to myself, because I forgot my own language just to speak yours.

I was lost. Lost in translation.

“Fine,” I said “I’m doing fine”.

a splash of inspiration

there comes a point when you need to realize that your failed relationships or aspirations are not a direct fault of your other lover or obstacles but because of YOU.

and if you want to progress than you need to keep walking forward with the confidence of that ambitious child and know that now you can go further because you have experience.

but experience is only experience if you learn from it. so gather all your knowledge and try again. don’t let the past urge you to divert to old habits that have caused failure. make room for new habits, make room for progress. 

Im jealous of your first sip that gets to touch your lips awake.
Im jealous of the water that washes the sleep from your pale skin.
I'm jealous of the mirror that shows you how fucking beautiful you are
even if you don't believe it.
Im jealous of everyone that gets to see you before I do.
Im jealous.

solid fact

it’s you, it will always be you and even before i knew you, it was still you. this whole time. that will never change.

When your lover, your past, your future says they no longer want to share their eternity with you.....  
the weight, the pressure, the deguesser of your very soul... 
It's the equivilant of infinite anvils. 
That pressure could shatter the very core of life its self...
it strikes me that all there is to show is a cringe.

In other words this is my suicide note. I've decided to separate soul from body. Farewell to my final goodbye. I'll read you over and wish I still felt that alive.

i vehemently loathe when writers cop out by excusing their lack of entry due to being uninspired…

as a writer your craft is being able to arrange words in a manner that a girl simply drinking from a cup could be romantic.

it is not that you’re not uninspired, it is that you’re not allowing yourself to be. 

this is true about virtually everything in life.

may our primary reasons for living be blissfully entangled.

since i met you i've confessed "you're so beautiful it makes me angry"
and we would laugh
and you would be so confused, i was confused too.
i never had an explanation...
until today.

i looked at you and i realized that it doesn't make me angry
it's just that
your the kind of pretty that's hard to look at.

and any look away from you is a look in the wrong direction.

12/16/12

how dare u say u miss me. how dare you say "i care"

i've lost all faith in finding strands of your hair.

there’s nothing better than you sitting on my lap, ur lips on my head and ur arms wrapped over my shoulders and mine wrapped around ur waist, pressing my face tightly to ur chest and listening to that heart beat that makes mine keep going. 

finding someone that makes you feel at home but still lights a raging fire in your soul is hard to find. so when you find it don’t let it go. 

home is where you sit on my lap and lay ur arms over my shoulders.

it’s where you rest your forehead on mine and look into my eyes.

it’s the loudness of the words unspoken in moments like those.

it’s when you brush your nose on my nose and smile.

that’s home.

I've spent years wandering bed sheets and casting one night stands like wedding bands to feel anything at all.

My eyes spill pensive vacancy, my battered hands are my diary. 
Read along with me, its a short novel and the chapters are all titled mistakes. 
Turn each page and everyone of them says I love her. 
What's my mistake then if its love? 
Love is not mistaken but it can be unwantingly profound. 
The same three words that give you life will make a person want to kill them self. 
I practiced how to kiss her a million times a day 
and would a million more to make it perfect.

 and its devastating  to know that she only kisses her once, she doesn't care if its perfect. 

its unfair to bleed wrist for perfection but I would carve perfection a million times if I could float on my bloodstream to her bedside.

change

If I had it my way, we would all own up to our problems and stop censoring them. So you’re a cutter, you shouldn’t have to wear long sleeves during the summer because of those judgmental ass-hats. Don’t apologize for what you had to do to make yourself feel better. Go ahead your supreme belimacy I’ll wait while you go to the bathroom in between courses. And to every person that shoves their fists into brick walls, lets put up sound proof booths around the cities so that people can learn to get it out and not hold all that pressure in. Because most of the time it’s simply scientific, it’s about transferring that energy onto something else. Sometimes our fists end up bloody and bruised but it’s just because there is so much pain trying to get through. 

If words could describe my love for you
they would fill every library
every museum.
there would be no documentation of how the world ended.

I hope that you like the way I write.

I hope that you understand.

because I'm not saying forever and writing it in the sand.

I'm carving it on the palms of my hands.

I'm pressing them to both of our chests.


Every breath means I love you.

I could cry rivers to far away countries and float on my back to the rhythm of your bloodstream. I could love you that much.



I do love you that much.

they say "i do" is the strongest way to say "i love you"
but i think the most powerful words are unspoken.
i think nothing could compare to the way i look at you.

wait

I would wait. sit in my car. sit at your bar.
I would wait and hold my breath and not speak.
those thinks have always been hard to do around you anyways.

So, I'll wait and watch the way you move
the way you light up a room.
the way your lips separate when you speak.
imagining you're saying "i love you too"
fearing that my heart beat could shatter the walls of this room.