to admit that i've always been amused by illusionist
is kind of funny.
because as an addict i was able to fool my whole body that it wasnt dyng for the fucking sake of another hit.

i was able to walk down streets thinking there was a gun pointed in my mouth when really it was the gun inside my head.

I'd venquilitrist my voice and pull the corners of my mouth into a smile as I said "yeah I'll take one more"

one more. one more. one more.

as my heart stuttered to keep up begging PLEASE STOP.

but i had made myself deaf to my own survival.

for the fucking sake of not having to look at reality.