.......no, you don't get it though. Holding her is the most important thing my hands will ever do

to admit that i've always been amused by illusionist
is kind of funny.
because as an addict i was able to fool my whole body that it wasnt dyng for the fucking sake of another hit.

i was able to walk down streets thinking there was a gun pointed in my mouth when really it was the gun inside my head.

I'd venquilitrist my voice and pull the corners of my mouth into a smile as I said "yeah I'll take one more"

one more. one more. one more.

as my heart stuttered to keep up begging PLEASE STOP.

but i had made myself deaf to my own survival.

for the fucking sake of not having to look at reality.

and then i realized I cannot kill this monster
until i am willing to see it in the mirror

if i had only one day left on this earth
i'd drag you to the hallways of my high school
and not let your lips leave mine
because everyday there seemed like a million years
and that's exactly what i want with you.

Just so you know

I hope for us like you pray for Gods love.

Your body is my church.
My love for you is my religion '
and your every word is my bible.

I'll follow you so far into your world that I will forget my own.
I'll learn all your languages till I am lost in translation.

thank you for letting that part of me breathe again
but since you left it's climbed down deeper than it was buried before

there's no hope for sunlight, not even the lights at night will stay.

question of the day

Can you be pulled over for being under the influence of lost love and too many cigarettes?

the truth

“Hey there,” she said “How are you doing?”

I feel like banging my head against the wall, because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. I feel like running, but I can’t run away from myself, nor your constantly echoing voice in my head.

I can’t find a way away.People say get over it. Life has its ups and downs.They are right, life has its ups and down, she breaks up you break down.

I’m walking down the road called despair. The air is thick. My feet are numb.

But I have to keep on moving, keep on moving on.

Each step I take gets me further away from you and brings me closer to myself, because I forgot my own language just to speak yours.

I was lost. Lost in translation.

“Fine,” I said “I’m doing fine”.

a splash of inspiration

there comes a point when you need to realize that your failed relationships or aspirations are not a direct fault of your other lover or obstacles but because of YOU.

and if you want to progress than you need to keep walking forward with the confidence of that ambitious child and know that now you can go further because you have experience.

but experience is only experience if you learn from it. so gather all your knowledge and try again. don’t let the past urge you to divert to old habits that have caused failure. make room for new habits, make room for progress. 

Im jealous of your first sip that gets to touch your lips awake.
Im jealous of the water that washes the sleep from your pale skin.
I'm jealous of the mirror that shows you how fucking beautiful you are
even if you don't believe it.
Im jealous of everyone that gets to see you before I do.
Im jealous.

solid fact

it’s you, it will always be you and even before i knew you, it was still you. this whole time. that will never change.

When your lover, your past, your future says they no longer want to share their eternity with you.....  
the weight, the pressure, the deguesser of your very soul... 
It's the equivilant of infinite anvils. 
That pressure could shatter the very core of life its self...
it strikes me that all there is to show is a cringe.

In other words this is my suicide note. I've decided to separate soul from body. Farewell to my final goodbye. I'll read you over and wish I still felt that alive.